I would like to share some beautiful words that arrived in my mailbox today, written by my own Coach and Founder of Transformative Coach Institute, Joshua Elijah Benavides.
I hope they inspire you just as much as they inspired me:
‘In life, you can either learn through suffering and pain or through love and joy.
Suffering and pain come when you’re not paying attention to the wisdom of your Soul.
Ease, insight and flow come when you’re listening deeply and following the guidance within you.
This is the Way of Illumination.
It is the way of being open and receptive to Life’s insight and guidance.
There will be times when you feel lost.
It’s at these times that you may feel most compelled to try to escape your life through food, entertainment, sex, drugs and pretty much anything that may make the pain go away temporarily.
The problem with this approach is that you’re engaged in a self-perpetuating loop, one aimed at attempting to get rid of the feeling you’re experiencing.
This is simply another way of being in a state of not listening, not seeking to understand and not being available to what this feeling is trying to tell you about you, your life and your state of being.
Every state of being, every feeling, is your wisdom speaking to you.
Your wisdom is speaking to you 24/7.
The question is: Are you listening?
The Way of Illumination is the way of insight.
Insight comes when we’re receptive and welcoming of its presence.
Insight comes when we’re present with a clear, empty mind.
Insight cannot come when your mind is full and cluttered with thoughts of tomorrow and yesterday.
Insight is a gift of the Now.
And the Now is just another word for your Consciousness, that ever-present part of you that is simply aware.
When you are here, in this moment, as Consciousness, as yourself prior to thoughts, you are connected and available to receive the wisdom of the ages, the wisdom that will guide your life to its most beautiful expression.
When you are here, in this moment, as your thoughts, beliefs, opinions and judgements, you temporarily lose that sense of connection to your wisdom.
Instead, you see a world of thoughts that disguise themselves as your circumstances, conditions, other people etc.
The moment you slow down to Now, you will once again regain Vision and you will see that all your troubles and problems were only just thoughts you were believing to be true. Nothing more.
And from this space, you become open to new thoughts, new insights and new points of view.
There are an infinite number of points of views.
We live in an infinite universe.
There is no one way to see anything.
Don’t get lost in trying to find the right way or the right answers.
Instead, pay attention to how you feel.
When you’re aligned with your wisdom, you feel wonderful.
Being connected to your wisdom is being connected to your bliss. It feels warm, open, expansive in every direction. It feels deep, grounding and peaceful. It shows up as a knowing, an awe, a wonder.
This is always available to you.
The door is always open.
But it is up to you to walk through it.
The only exchange is your current point of view, your current thoughts, opinions, judgements and evaluations.
Would you exchange your certainty in these thoughts…for not knowing?
Would you be willing to empty your cup so that it may be filled with new possibilities, new answers, new solutions?
An empty mind is the Way of Illumination.
An empty mind is the welcome sign for insight.
An empty mind is no mind at all.
It is simply awareness, consciousness, beingness, presence.
You have a capacity for insight that will never run out.
Insight is your guide.
It has always been here, helping you to see what you currently cannot see.
Nurture this relationship.
Be grateful that you have this guidance always available and you will be blessed with even more clear, loving and wise guidance.
‘The real goal is not to escape the human experience; it is to embrace and transcend it.‘ (Michael Neill)
Welcome To The Human Condition
The word ’emotophobia’ is a word invented by bestselling author and Transformative Coach Michael Neill.
It is pronounced as
[ih-moh-tuh-foh-bee-uh] – noun
and translated as:
1. an abnormal or pathological fear of emotions, particularly those thought of as ‘negative’ or ‘non-productive’.
Interesting word! I think it is spot on for describing a phenomena that is very prevalent in our culture, fueling far more of our behavior than we can ever imagine. Without even knowing it, we are fearful of our own emotions and we do anything in the world to not have to feel them because they challenge us and they are uncomfortable and painful.
So instead, we avoid, we suppress, we distract ourselves (very easy with a smart phone being the extension of our hand) or we express, blame and shame and create drama.
We spend huge chunks of time and energy on finding and using tools and techniques that are supposed to help us with’solving’ our feelings, in order to change them to better ones or eliminating them altogether.
Which is kind of like trying to fix or change the weather or avoid red cars because we don’t like the way they make us feel.
But here’s the thing:
There is no such thing as a solution to a feeling!
What if it would be okay to feel good when we feel good and bad when we feel bad?
What if we would allow every single emotion that bubbles up to freely flow through us without having to push it back, control it or even express it.
What if we would recognise that emotions come and go and alter as our thoughts change.
What if we would be able to understand that we never feel the world ‘out there’, but always the world ‘in here’.
What if we would be able to see that we ALWAYS feel our present moment thinking. No exception.
What if we just could offer our own warm and loving Presence to every single feeling staring us in the face, notice and fully welcome it to the table before it moves on and before we let it go.
What if there would be no need at all to prefer one feeling over another, let alone attempt to fix it?
What if we were taught as children that our feelings aren’t informing us about the state of the world, they’re informing us about our state of mind.
‘If the only thing people learned was
not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.’
Just imagine! The world would be a different place indeed.
It’s not that I don’t recognise the fact that we can change our emotional states through techniques and practice. There’s no question lifes are improved by controlling the mind (and therefore our feelings). Of course, we can set ourselves the goal to get more control over our emotional experience and move in the direction of 24/7 happiness – a life of only positive feelings without any anger, sadness, insecurity or fear. We can force ourselves to being capable of functioning at a much higher level when the ‘black dog of misery’ has us in its grip.
But, if feelings are no more (or less) than the shadows of the thoughts (conscious and subconscious) that pass through our mind from moment to moment, why would we? It is such hard work! It takes up so much of our energy to ‘fight’, manipulate and change our thoughts. I don’t think this is necessary.
Instead of discovering an even better and more effective way to manage our moods, we can discover and understand that our emotions and feelings are NOT reflecting our true nature – that they are in fact simply signposts that show us the way to a deep core of wellbeing. They let us know what needs to be felt, acknowledged, loved, forgiven, released and let go of in any given moment. They show us what needs to be cleaned and cleared from our Minds in order to get more aligned with our True Nature.
What if we would fully welcome accept and embrace the human condition?
“Be confused, it’s where you begin to learn new things.
Be broken, it’s where you begin to heal.
Be frustrated, it’s where you start to make more authentic decisions.
Be sad, because if we are brave enough we can hear our heart’s wisdom through it.
Be whatever you are right now.
No more hiding. You are worthy, always.’
To Feel Is To Heal
As a child, adolescent and young adult, I have always known this to be true intuitively. There’s is nothing wrong with the way we feel. Feeling ‘things’ is part of the entire spectrum, the rainbow if you will, of having the human experience.
Nature, as ever, has a clear purpose with feelings. Feelings are like a barometer that lets us know how aligned the content of our thinking is with who we truly are, our True Nature.
Our true nature is innate health and wellbeing. It is the vast space of pure Consciousness within us, The Void, from where ALL thoughts, as well as our wellbeing, inner wisdom and deeper feelings of love, peace and joy arise. It is ‘made of’ the same divine and intelligent energy as the vast space outside of ourselves, The Universe, The Source or God if you will.
However, this Void, this beautiful space of Consciousness within us, our Soul Space, is cluttered and contimanated with thoughts, memories and old programs and beliefs replaying in both our Conscious and Subconscious Mind.
If our thinking is ‘off’, we are in a low mood, or a low state of mind. We are inadvertently replaying subconscious memories, programs and beliefs. In our conscious mind we don’t even have a CLUE what’s going on half or most of the time. All we know is that we’re feeling low and out of sorts.
All we have to know is that this is OK and completely normal and natural! It is part of being human. We don’t have to do anything other than to hold this feeling in a space of love within and forgive ourselves for innocently holding on to those old programs replaying in our subconscious mind. Then we can choose to let go, or it lets go of us.
Our mood will shift naturally and effortlessly. No need to manipulate or change anything. There is no Positive Thinking needed to override these more negative feelings. The contrary! That would be bypassing and ignoring a signpost to true healing from within.
If there is any residue of the charge of this feeling left, don’t worry! Life will create another chance for it to arise to the surface so you can go through the process again. Welcome it, feel it, love it, forgive it, thank it, let go and let God!
We don’t have to know exactly WHAT is going on, we don’t have to analize. We can stay out of the story. The story we create around the feeling can actually take us away from the feeling. This is not what we want if we want to release, feel and heal.
Instead, we show up with totally loving and accepting Presence to our present moment feeling. That’s all we ‘need to do’.
I know it sounds easy right? It needs practice and tons of awareness. That’s why I’m such a big fan of the Mindfulness and Yoga practices in which we learn to be present to what is going on inside our Body, our Heart and our MInd.
If our thinking is aligned with that deeper dimension of who we truly are, we are in a high mood, or in a high state of mind. Naturally we feel lighter and we have deeper feelings of gratitude, love, peace and joy bubbling up.
In other words, our feelings are like a barometer telling us we are more or less aligned with our True Nature.
The Intelligence of Nature
and the Universal Mind
The deeper and innate intelligence of our being, makes sure that we project everything on another person and the world around us, that what we haven’t accepted about and within ourselves.
It is everyting that we (often subconsciously) judge in ourselves that goes ‘down under’ and lives a hidden life in the darker dungeons of our psyche. This is also called our Shadow.
That what we don’t accept about ourselves then will show up for sure in life around us. It will show up in our experience of other people’s behavior, in challenges and obstacles, losses, illnesses, minor and major disasters.
It will show up everywhere outside of ourselves untill we are ready to look within. No exceptions. This is the way life works.
Situations, other people, happenings and events are continuously holding up a mirror so that we start to see and feel what we have kept in the darker corners of our Mind.
Undigested or unprocessed feelings stored up there will come to the surface and show us the long and deeply held beliefs we have been holding in our own mind.
Innocently and most of the time subconsciously.
When this happens there are in essence two things we can do:
1. We push the feeling back behind locked doors in the dark dungeon and allow our Ego-self to project on someone else: we lash out, get angry, sad or dissapointed because of what other people do to us. We stay blind to every situation being a mirror showing us to what degree we are out of alignment with our true divine nature.
This is what most people do unfortunately and unknowingly. They get stuck and blame the world out there for the miserable situations they are in. We call this victim consciousness. Life is happening to me.
2. We get still and take time to get really present and pay attention. We allow ourselves to fully feel the raw energy of the feeling flowing through us, we welcome it to the table as a guest of honor and sit with it. We resist every urge to distract ourselves, to walk away or to express it. We infuse the feeling with our own warm Presence and the loving embrace of our Awareness. Then we petition Love or Divinity or God if you will, to correct our misperceptions or unhealthy beliefs related to the experienced problem. We ask this higher power to help us to forgive ourselves for innocently holding on to this misperception. We express our gratitude. Then we let go and we let God.
That’s it. No need to wrap the feeling up into a mind manufactured story and analasis. No need to dig into our childhood and relive certain events. In our conscious mind we have more often than not really NO CLUE why we feel a certain way and what thoughts exactly are causing us to feel this way.
All it needs is our Awareness and our Willingness to feel it, love it, fogive it, thank it and let go of it.
The Psychology Of Holes
Most of us unknowingly and innocently live in the ‘outside-in’ misunderstanding which is the understanding that the world ‘out there’ is causing us to feel a certain way:
‘What a miserable day, it is raining.’
‘He didn’t have the decency to return my call. He dissapoints me.’
‘She let me down. She made me feel sad and abandoned.’
‘They are ruining my life. I feel worthless.’
‘Her behaviour upsets me. She should change.’
Little stories we tell ourselves and others, often in the form of complaints.
Through habitual mental judgment and emotional contraction, we have a personalized, reactive relationship to people and events in our life. These are all forms of self-created suffering, but they are not recognized as such because to the ego they are satisfying. The ego enhances itself through reactivity and conflict.
During my coach training at TCI (Transformative Coach Instittute) I learnt about something called The Psychology of Holes. This psychology explains why we keep looking in the wrong direction (outwardly as opposed to inwardly). Those holes represent the undigested and unprocessed feelings, the unseen ‘children’ within our own being, aching to be seen, acknowlegded and loved. However, they are being kept prisoned in the dark, our shadow.
They are too ugly, too hard, too challenging to deal with and we feel deeply ashamed of them. If our friends and family see them our Ego will crumble, our mask will fall to pieces, our self constructed image of ourselves will be destroyed, our personality dies.
Our MInd or Ego-self or our false sense of self will do EVERYTHING in its power to avoid this and it has very clever and devious tricks to do this. It stays many a mile away from those holes.
Sometimes we hit the treshold of a feeling or experience but before we allow ourselves to surrender and take time to see what is on the other side of that treshold, we distract and numb ourselves with food, or people, or our own illusory thoughts and stories, or devices, sex, alcohol, drugs, shopping, Netflix, etc. etc.
This keeps us in the spell of past and future and away from the power and miracle of the Present Moment. We lose energy by doing this. It is like a vampire sucking our life-blood, robbing us from our life forces.
By turning away from those holes, we emotionally contract and cut ourselves off from the boundless energy of the Universe, of that what is far greater than our own personal Mind-self.
We start to feel tired, frustrated, exhausted, small and helpless. Therefore our Ego has to pump up itself even more.
The Power and Miracle of Now.
What we miss out on is that what is on the other side of this treshold. That what is on the other side of that challenging feeling or situation. When we allow ourselves to surrender and go through the treshold we encounter an Emptiness and most of us don’t want to feel that Emptiness. However, there is a deeper dimension to this empty feeling and it emanates Peace.
It emanates Peace, Love and Joy. It emanates that what we all so desperately long for. It emanates our True Nature.
By going within, we find it. By going through the treshold of painful feelings, we find Home. There is eternal Peace.
The Power and Miracle of the ‘Issness’ of Every Moment dissolves our ‘painbody’, right here, right now, because we give up on arguing with life and our resistance to our feelings and life’s events. We fully embrace and accept what ever arises in the present moment.
However, most of us keep looking outside of ourselves, and figuring how to fill our holes with our life stories, our posessions, our busy business and social life, our seeking ‘out there’, the newest gagdet, the latest techniques / tools and we are building on top of the holes that in essence are not even real. They innocently are self-created illusions.
This is where we get burn out. We get tired of all the searching outside of ourselves. We lose our mojo, our connection with Divinity, with our Inspiration and the natrual flow of life. We are in our own way to experience who we really are underneath the illusory realities we create.
We live our lives from our limited Minds as opposed to from Inspiration coming from that unlimited space of Consciousness.
True freedom and the end of suffering is living in such a way as if you had completely chosen whatever you feel or exprerience at this moment. This inner alignment with Now is the end of suffering.
Our unconscious mind patterns tend to come to an end simply by making them conscious, by becoming aware of them as they happen. They come to an end as soon as we stop labeling with good or bad feelings. They are just feelings.
We cannot be conscious and create suffering for ourselves. It is not possible.
Whatever our life situation is, how would we feel if we completely accepted it as it is – right Now?
Unhappiness or problems cannot survive in the Now.
Simply see what happens when we would allow every feeling to flow through us.
The Kindness and Intelligence Of the Design.
Luckily life is intelligent and loving and it wants the best for us. It wants us to be as aligned as possible to our true nature. Our true nature is our God nature, it is the vast space of Divine Energy, or call it what you like; Spirit, the Source, the Universe…it is all pointing to the same.
It is pointing to that what can’t be named because no word would be able to cover it’s Magnificence, it’s Light and it’s Love. This is ALWAYS present underneath, beyond and around our Mind-self, our ego or call it our false sense of self.
Life will reflect back to us clearly where we are out of alignment with Source, where we are caught up in our thinking mind and the subconscious memories and programs replaying over and over again. It will reflect this back in our experience of another person, a challenging situation, an obstacle in our way, a loss, an illness, physical limitations and ailments, name it, What we experience of the world out there is ALSO IN US and it needs attention. Love and attention.
This way life always lets us know what is ready to be cleaned from our Mind so the Void gets clear and Divine Inspiration can freely flow through and reach our conscious mind.
Finding Peace of Mind
Don’t deny or ignore the pain or the sadness that you feel. Accept that it is there. Beware of your mind’s tendency to construct a story around that pain in which you are assigned the role of victim. Fear, anger, resentment, or self-pity are the emotions that go with that role.
Then become aware of what lies behind those emotions as well as behind the mind-made story: that hole, that empty space. Can you face and accept that strange sense of emptiness? If you do, you may find that it is no longer a fearful place. You may be surprised to find Peace emanating from it. Only there and then we can feel Peace of Mind.
Life gives us the chance ‘to go there’, over and over again. The chance to recognise that we are caught up in our Mind-self. If we stay close and get really present to whatever it is from within that disturbs our inner peace, often in ‘reaction’ to what happens externally, we know it is time to feel and heal.
We know it is time get still and to welcome and love the feeling as a guest of honor to our table. We know it is time to forgive ourselves and to let go and let God. We are released and liberated when we patiently allow this process to take place. This is finding real freedom.
Alignment with our Innate and Profound Wellbeing
The more we do this clearing and cleaning within, the more we get aligned with our true nature, which is our innate health and wellbeing. The more aligned we are, the more inspired lives we lead. We can recognise this when we have feelings of love, joy and peace flowing through us effortlessly. We don’t have to do anything to deserve, earn or manufacture those feelings. In fact, this would be impossible.
Living this way is living in our authencity as opposed to living in our thought-created illusory reality.
All we need to do is to surrender to what arises in every given moment, feel it, love it, forgive it, thank it, release it and let go, let God. This ‘inside job’ is being done from moment to moment. All we need to do is stay present and pay attention.
There’s only two ways to live:
We can live from our thought-created Memories or we can live from Divine Inspiration.
It is up to us.
I would like to conclude with words from another one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Jeff Foster.
I think his words perfectly sum up what I’ve been trying to convey in this article.
‘It is the invisible force that keeps us running, restless, in pursuit of some intangible goal.
Caught up in some unnecessary activity.
Makes us escape into thinking.
Makes the body feel unsafe.
Makes the present moment into an enemy.
If we slow down. If we stop.
If we rest. If we simply do nothing.
Then we will have to face … ourselves.
We will have to face buried feelings.
All the sh*t we were running from.
All the darkness. The gunk. The muck.
The loneliness. The boredom. The emptiness.
Trauma says “run!”.
Trauma says “stillness is dangerous!”.
Trauma says “Do Not Rest!”.
We have to start by proving to ourselves that it is safe to rest! Safe to be still. Safe to do nothing, just for a moment. Safe to think our thoughts and feel our feelings …
… and not ‘fix’ the moment.
We can begin – one moment at a time – to digest all the undigested things inside. Stay with sadness for a moment longer. Be present with our joy. Breathe into our anxiety instead of running from it. Become curious about our discomfort instead of distracting ourselves with (unnecessary food, drink, cleaning, drugs, sex, shopping, Internet, thinking, talking, yoga, seeking, rumination, spiritual practice…)
We can begin to challenge the core story at the heart of trauma: That the present moment is unsafe. That the body is against us. That feelings are dangerous.
That stillness equals death and destruction.
That we have to ‘do’ something in order to be worthy, and loved, and safe, and whole.
It takes courage to stop running.
It takes courage to lean into the storm.
It takes courage to touch the darkness inside with the infinite light of our curious attention.
It takes courage to break the addiction to future.
And be here now.
And not know.’
– Jeff Foster
If you have any questions or would like to share something or if you need a hand in any way, please do leave a comment below.
I offer Transformative Life Coaching sessions online. Feel free to contact me for a FREE Clarity Call.
6 Month Curriculum : You’ll take a deep-dive into the inside-out understanding and how to facilitate profound transformation in people’s lives. Monthly LIVE Q&A: You’ll get all your most pressing questions answered every month in a live call with Joshua and your peers. Private Online Community: You’ll get to connect with other students and alumni, make friends and support each other along the way Lifetime Access: You get lifetime access to the course, private members area, community and all materials along with all future updates and upgrades. Private Mentoring: You get one private coaching call per month with a TCI Coach over the 6 months, designed to support your over-all development. Private mentoring with Joshua is available for those who choose to go with “The Apprentice” path. Tuition: The tuition for the 6-month Transformative Coach Training is $4500 if you invest in full. You can also choose to take advantage of their easy 10-month payment plan of $495 per month.
TCI is the only online Transformative Coaching training in the world! You can take this exclusive training and learn from anywhere in the world!
Whether you’re traveling, have a full-time career, are a busy parent, or you’re in a life transition, the Training is designed to easily fit your lifestyle.
You can access the material on your computer, tablet, or smart phone. All you need is an internet connection.
TCI created a user-friendly online experience that makes learning effortless and enjoyable. This is the way to study and advance your career – in your own time, and at your own convenience.
Now is the best time to begin your exciting new career as a Transformative Coach.
According to Forbes.com, the personal coaching industry is a two BILLION dollar a year industry. There are currently (approximately) 53,000 coaches worldwide who are bringing in a sum total of 2.356 billion dollars!
According to the National Post, “Coaching is the second-fastest growing profession in the world, rivaled only by information technology.”
What this means is that people are definitely looking for, and paying for, personal coaching services that, with the right education, you can provide.
Coaching isn’t a fad. It has steadily grown over the decades and will continue to grow because the demand for change, in a rapidly changing world, is only going to accelerate.
There are few career choices today which can be said to be totally recession- proof. Coaching is one such option.
What began as an awakening
Early on in his career as a coach, Joshua experienced a profound spiritual awakening. This awakening into our True Nature also led him to the realization that coaching could be used as an authentic, non-religious and powerful tool for the healing, transformation and awakening of consciousness. Over the next few years, Joshua integrated ancient spiritual teachings with modern psychology, and received on-going insights during his meditations, to develop a unique way to coach “from” this broader perspective. What came through was totally unprecedented. Clients reconnected with their own inner guidance, rediscovered their Innate Well-Being, activated dormant potentials, released life-long fears and traumas, and discovered themselves to be more than they ever imagined.
Became a calling
These transformative experiences urged Joshua to see if there were any coaching institutes that focused on coaching as a path for the realization and actualization of our True Nature. As he had suspected, there were very few. And out of those few, most had religious agendas or new age theories that didn’t align with Universal Truth – that which is true for all human beings, regardless of background, culture, denominations or beliefs
This led to a series of visionary experiences that culminated in Joshua heeding the call to create an institute of higher learning that would integrate universal spiritual wisdom teachings and practices with modern inside-out psychology and proven coaching methods.
Which struck a chord
In 2017, Joshua invited a small group of people to participate in this unique training.
And something magical happened. The students, which consisted of university teachers, yoga instructors, functional nutritionist, success coaches and sports coaches, all experienced an irreversible inner transformation and awakening that opened them up to a whole new understanding of the nature of reality and the human experience. Many reported that what they learned was the “missing link” that allowed them to take their coaching and lives to a higher level of fulfillment, joy, ease and impact.
Seeing these reports and the impact this training was having on students, Joshua, as well as students, felt that this is a coach training who’s time has come. In January of 2018, the Transformative Coach Institute was born. Although there are other trainings that certify coaches in “transformative coaching”, the Transformative Coach Institute was created to re-define what transformative coaching is as a method that integrates both spiritual and psychological processes for inner awakening, healing and unleashing human potential.
To raise human consciousness and well-being through individual awakening and transformation.
TCI envisions, works towards and embodies a world where human beings have awakened to the love and wisdom of their True Nature. They envision, work towards and embody a world where human beings have relinquished victim consciousness and are free to blossom into their full creative potential.
They do this through their unique, online coach training which:
1. Provides students with the principles and practices to transform their consciousness, their lives and their world from the inside-out
2. Develops students into ground-breaking leaders who are skilled in the art and science of transformative coaching; who can effectively guide others to blossom into their ultimate purpose and potential in life, thereby, making a ripple effect that uplifts all of humanity.
This training is specifically designed for those who want to work professionally as a Transformative Coach. I believe TCI created something truly innovative, grounded and transformative. Their grads report that the training was the “missing link” that activated their coaching abilities and practice. Hear what they have to say.
Pilates/Yoga Instructor & Transformative Coach
“This is one of the most powerful, impactful and transformative training I have ever done (and I’ve done a ton!) The TCI Transformative Coach training is for anyone who wants to expand their spirituality by leaps and bounds. It’s for those individuals who want to see a tangible, sustainable transformation in their understanding of this world and our place in it. Basically, this is a match for anyone who wants to heal themselves and perhaps assist others in healing too. If you are a health care professional, then this is very much a match! And if you have an interest in becoming a life coach of any kind, then this program is definitely for you.”
Functional Nutritionist & Transformative Coach
“I had been certified as a Transformative Coach before Joshua’s training, and the difference now is like night and day, regarding the level of service that I provide my clients and my own level of grounding. Six months after finishing my certification, not only am I working with only ideal clients, my business is financially sustainable and profitable, and I’m not overworking myself. The way Joshua guides students to set up their programs and choose rates is brilliant and truly a breath of fresh air. I am no longer wrestling with myself over what to charge, and I have clients who gladly pay my fees. Nowadays, my clients feel deeply seen, heard, served and transformed through our work together, so there is no question about the value of the work we do, which is truly priceless. This experience has been deeply transformative for me in all aspects of my life!”
Women’s Transformative Coach
“This program has had an impact on everything, not only my coaching, but my life! The newfound awareness and insights have allowed me to fully show up for my own life and grow in ways I could never have imagined. This in turn has made an impact in my Coaching practice, allowing me and my clients to go deeper with our sessions in an effortless way and allowing for new insights and inner wisdom to emerge. This is not “another coaching toolbox” – it is a way of Being. It is an awareness that, when seen and acknowledged, radically transforms one’s life from the inside out! I’m truly grateful! It has made such an amazing difference in my personal and professional development!”
Transformative Sports Coach & Consultant
“This training is phenomenal! I greatly appreciate any knowledge that raises my level of consciousness and that I can use to help others do the same. The “Inside-Out” understanding and coaching method separates this program from traditional coaching and is truly amazing. I HIGHLY recommend anyone take the same journey I have with Joshua. Life for me is much more enjoyable because of the depth I have gone to with this course.”
Women’s Transformative Coach
“For me, this training has been transformational from the inside out. I literally woke up one day, and realized that nothing is written in stone and that I could create another reality. It has made me a better professional, a better communicator, teacher and, for the first time, a true coach. I feel more prepared to guide people in the best way possible to help them achieve true transformation and keep on with my own transformation as well. I definitely recommend it more than any other course I have ever taken!”
FACILITATES authentic, reflective, healing and life-changing conversations that awakens others to their True Nature and the Inside-Out nature of reality.
ASSISTS others in letting go of any unresolved thought-patterns, judgements and beliefs that limit, restrict and obscure their freedom, love, clarity and wisdom.
RECOGNIZES the infinite, creative power within and supports others to reconnect with that power to heal, transform and elevate every aspect of their lives.
GUIDES and supports others to be all they can be and blossom into their ultimate purpose and potential in life.
What makes a Transformative Coach unique?
Our entire experience of life is being created, moment-by-moment, from the inside-out, not the outside-in. This simple, yet profound, understanding allows Transformative Coaches to bring out the best in people and raise their over-all level of clarity, freedom, consciousness and well-being.
Why become a Transformative Coach with TCI?
You’ll positively transform your consciousness and your life while receiving comprehensive coaching skills and business development training. Our Transformative Coach Training Program provides you with life-changing principles, practice and tools to make a living assisting others in transformation.
Why is now the best time to become a Transformative Coach?
The world is going through a profound transformation of consciousness – from an egoic state of consciousness to an awakened consciousness. Our training is designed to initiate and accelerate the awakening process within you and show you how to facilitate healing and transformation for others.
Enjoy a fulfilling career where you can do work that aligns with your heart and makes a meaningful contribution in people’s lives.
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Love & Blessings,
Founder of Young Yogis® Academy| Creator of Yogadance® Kids Method | (Kids) Yoga Instructor | Biodanza/Vitaldanza Facilitator | Waldorf Primary School Teacher | Teacher Trainer | Well-being Educator | Transformative Coach | Cat and Ice cream lover | Dutch | Traveling House sitter| Wife and Mother
I consider myself very blessed. I may have some worries occasionally about the usual things in life like health, money, my family, the state of our crazy world etc, but getting deeply caught in a feeling of anxiety or having a panic attack is kind of alien to me. I can only imagine how awful that must feel and my heart goes out to everyone going through this.
Depression, yes, I can relate to that very well. I suffered from depression on and off over the last 10 years so I know the feeling well. Not anymore I can happily say! Ever since I started seeing and understanding the true nature of the human experience, EVERYTHING shifted for me, without me having to do anything in particular, other then seeing and understanding this.
Yes, I have my low days (who doens’t) but understanding where my low mood and low state of mind is coming from makes it so much easier to sail through those days in a more light hearted way.
My daugher is another story.
Feelings of anxiety started when she was 7, on a family holiday in Tenerife. I first became aware of what was going on when she was standing in her suitcase changing into her swimming costume.
I asked her why she was standing in her suitcase. She looked round, clearly feeling nervous. ‘There might be something on the floor that might harm me,’ she responded. This was the spick and span floor of our hotel room she was referring to!
During that holiday she kept obsessively checking and asking whether we were sure her food and drinks were not poisoned. Later that summer when camping, she refused doing the dishes because the dishwasher liquid might contain something ‘damaging’, if not ‘deadly’!
I remember my husband and myself being very puzzled! Where did this extreme and irrational fear suddenly come from? I was intrigued and also slightly worried as you can imagine.
Fight Flight Response
At home, I started doing some research and learned about the fight-flight response (also called the stress response) and about the part of the brain called the amygdala and how it functions as an alarm system for when there is life threatening danger, so the body knows when to prepare for fight or flight.
I learned about how all sorts of trivial events and situations can cause a false alarm in our brain. We perceive the situation as dangerous and life threatening but in reality it’s not.
Being threatened with detention for not doing homework can cause the same stress response as having a face to face encounter with a sabre-toothed tiger. A crashed computer is very annoying and unsettling but it is certainly not life-threatening. However, the physical response to both events can be exactly the same.
Our daughter’s amygdala was definitely working overtime, that much was for sure. Her body was in fight-flight mode, more often than not.
I had to find ways to help her calm down her nervous system, adrenal glands and amygdala. Because in the meanwhile I had started teaching yoga and mindfulness to children, I decided to try out different techniques and exercises.
This needed to be fixed and as soon as possible!
So I embarked on a journey of trying all sorts of techniques and methods, using tools from my yoga and mindfulness experience like relaxation, yoga nidra, mantra singing, massage, acupuncture etc. We also made major dietary changes and you name it, and they all were helpful and useful to a certain extend in some way or the other.
However, all those wonderful techniques, exercises, and methods didn’t get to the root of the root.
Apart from that, most of it was a LOT OF WORK, some of them cost a lot of money and it took a lot of energy!
I remember a time where helping her to settle for sleep at night would take up 2 hours.
In the meanwhile, her anxiety kept coming back in full swing when we were not ‘busy’ relaxing, massaging, singing and finding the most healthy recipes for her.
At times it felt like I was having a full time job ‘fixing’ this.
It was clear we had to step of this spinning caroussel of trying to manage and get rid of her anxiety,
Before I reveal to you what helped us eventually to understand what was going on, let us first have a closer look at what anxiety is and where does it come from?
What Is Anxiety?
So… what is anxiety? The dictionary definition of anxiety is: “An extremely strong feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome”
Almost every one of us experiences moments of anxiety – that’s not a problem in itself, it’s just being human.
The problem is that we misunderstand where our anxiety comes from.
Most of us believe that our anxiety symptoms come from outside events such as:
The situation we’re in
The people we’re with
In other words, the world out there.
And then we become double anxious because we are concerned that at any moment something can happen to trigger an anxiety attack. So in essence, we become anxious about our anxiety!
It is this horrible feeling of never knowing when the world is going to make us feel bad. It is feeling like life was akin to walking in a field of landmines, waiting for one to blow up in our face any moment.
Many understably and innocently believe the label of being an anxious person – someone who is, whether by nature or nurture, predisposed to anxiety – but this turns out to be a not so accurate assumption.
Fundamentally, anxiety is simply a misunderstanding of why we feel anxiety – and then feeling anxious about the prospect of more anxiety.
I’ll explain further.
The Outside-In Misunderstanding
Have you ever felt like someone made you angry? I think we all know this feeling. When someone does or says something we don’t like, we naturally think they made us feel upset. Have you ever felt like someone made you feel safe or loved? I hope you do. When people we love do something kind, considerate, or loving for us, we tend to feel love, and attribute that feeling as coming from them. That seems natural, doesn’t it?
“You make me so angry (or sad! etc.)!”
“She makes me very happy, so I want to be around her.”
“That crazy driver is to blame. I’m feeling road rage because that man was driving like an idiot!”
The reality is, though, that no one can make us feel any emotion. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” She was completely right, but it goes even further than that.
No one can make you feel anything without your consent!
I know it sounds crazy, because that’s not how we’re used to looking at the world. We like to think of life as happening to us, and our reactions and emotions as just a natural by-product of whatever comes along.
But what if we could get back in the driver’s seat of our own emotional well-being, stop being a victim to whatever emotions seem to come our way, stop allowing others to “push our buttons” and make us upset, angry, sad, annoyed, and also admired, appreciated and loved.
There’s two flavours of the outside in misunderstanding:
Flavour 1: It often seems like our feelings of worry, stress, boredom or emotional discomfort are coming from somewhere other than Thought in the moment. It seems like our feelings are coming from our workload, our boss, next week’s meeting, last week’s argument, the weather, our bank balance, our childhood, the list is endless.
Flavour 2: It often seems like our feelings of happiness, joy, relief, peace and excitement are coming from somewhere other than Thought in the moment. It seems like our feelings are coming from good company, a wonderful movie, a drink, a drug, a cigarette, gambling, sex, food, habitual behaviours, etc. But again, that’s not how it works.
We are always living in the feeling of Thought in the moment, even when it seems like our feelings are coming from somewhere else.
In other words:
There is no connection, at all, between how you feel and external circumstances, events, people, etc. You’re only feeling your thoughts ABOUT these circumstances, events, people, etc.
Your feelings aren’t informing you about the state of the world, they’re informing you about your state of mind.
In this light we can also start to understand where anxious or depressed feelings come from.
But what to do? Change our negative, destructive and fearful thoughts and replace them for more positive ones? No. This is not the answer. Although it may seem useful till a certain extend, at the end of the day this is just another manipulative trick of the mind.
Apart from that, it takes tons of energy to push negative thinking aside and mind manufacture a more positive thoughts.
Even though we understand that our feeling comes from our present moment thinking, this does not mean that we have to get rid of or replace negative thinking. Negative thinking is extremely natural. All we need to understand is that the true nature of thought is transient and illusory.
We cannot and don’t have to control what thoughts pop into or pass through our minds. All we have to know is that this thinking will pass. We don’t have to ‘purchase’ or unpack the content of our thoughts, we can let them pass through so new, fresh thinking will come through naturally and eventually, without us having to force anything.
We can relax and allow every single experience to flow through us.
All we have ‘to do’ is become really present and curious to these thought-feeling experiences. It is the power of our own presence and this friendly curiosity that helps us practice Self Inquiry.
It is a turning of attention and curiosity inwards towards ourselves and towards the truth of our nature. What thoughts and feelings are appearing to this presence and awareness inside of us?
Everything, all experiences are already welcome and accepted here before we welcome and accept them by choice.
I repeat one of my favorite quotes by Sydney Banks:
‘If the only thing people learned was
not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.’
Self-inquiry is allowing a natural healing to take place. It is an allowing of the ever so wise and in-built intelligence in our psyche and body to do it’s work without us interfering. Without us interfering with all of our fixing and analizing and our strong tendency to wanting to get rid of or improve to what ever it is we are experiencing.
This is true healing. It is the way of resting in that what is and finding courage to hold everything in love.
‘Stop trying to heal yourself, fix yourself, even awaken yourself. Stop trying to fast-forward the movie of your life.
Let go of “letting go”. Healing is not a destination. Be Here
Your pain, your sorrow, your doubts, your longings, your fearful thoughts: they are not mistakes, and they aren’t asking to be “healed”.
They are asking to be held. Here, now, lightly, in the loving, healing arms of present awareness’.
Psychologist and three principles practitioner, Dr. Dicken Bettinger, who suffered form anxiety himself, talks about us not needing to work hard to look for freedom from anxiety once we start seeing and sensing who we truly are and what we innately have going for us underneath all the mental noise going on in our minds.
Innate health and well-being and Peace of MInd is our true nature. It is always there, it is what shows up every single moment in our lives, minus our thoughts.
He describes the following steps on our way to being free from anxiety and/or depression :
Step 1. Recognise that 100% of your experience of anxiety and fear is created by thought.
We are not our thoughts, we are the Awareness that is witnessing the thoughts.
All of our feelings are being created by our thoughts in the moment.
This is in direct contrast to what we’re taught – e.g. that stressors cause stress. It’s also contrary to how things look – if you’re in a room and feeling good but someone walks in the room and you feel anxious, it’s a very convincing illusion that your anxiety is being caused by the other person.
When we see that our experience of anxiety is coming from thought, it’s the beginning of us letting go of the misunderstanding of what anxiety is and what’s creating the anxiousness within us.
Step. 2 Seeing that a new thought will free us from the anxiety created by the current thought.
When we wake up to the transient and illusory nature of thought, we’re open to a new thought flowing through – and thereby creating a completely different feeling.
This is the opposite to what we tend to do – which is to focus MORE on the anxious thought that has created the anxious feeling. We try to identify it, fix it and change it – all the more we continue to think about – and therefore feel – more anxiety.
When we wake up to what’s really happening we focus more on our wellbeing than our anxious thoughts.
Step. 3 Understanding that we all have potential for infinite wisdom and wellbeing.
We’re not limited to the boundaries of our physical brains, we all have a connection to infinite potential – more love, more connection, more clarity, more creativity, more peace – when we look toward the non-conceptual, formless space that’s before our personal thinking.
This space is the deepest essence of ourselves that we can sense. It is our soul.
When we wake up from the illusion from our personal thoughts, we wake up from everything we have been thinking. We step back from our personal thinking and, as it quiets down, we become present. We enter into the now, into pure Consciousness – free of the distortions, the limitations, and the contamination of our personal thinking.
In that state, we rest in a space that is before all of our concepts of time, This is why it is often called the eternal now. The now is not in time. Time is a concept, and when our mind is free of concepts, we find ourself in the timeless now. We are not holding onto any concepts of past, present, or future.
When we are free of concepts of time, we are beyond our ideas of wanting or desiring something in the future. A mind free of wanting and desiring is a mind at peace.
Words such as quiet, silence, or stillness are used to describe this space before the noise, the busyness, the chatter, the worry, the panic attack, the feeling of depression and the babble of our personal thinking.
When we touch this infinite space our mind is at rest. It is peaceful and calm. There is true contentment.
When we rest in this space of pure Consciousness, we may still have thought content passing through our mind but these thoughts are not paid attention to or listened to. It may feel like we are the sky and our thoughts are birds flying through.
Our inner sky is untouched by these birds. Also the birds of worry.
We start to see life directly, unfiltered by the distortions of our personal beliefs. We see life as it is, rather than as it isn’t.
It is a space within and beyond the personal, yet it is something that we already have and are. It is our true self. Some call it the impersonal self.
The more we touch this infinite, wide-open space, the more we realize the fact of tis ever-present nature. It becomes more and more real to us. It becomes more and more familiar. It is a space where we can experience directly our true nature. It is the space where we feel most at home.
Thoughts of worry can be received and held with ease within this space. It like a mother picking up her child after a fall and gently rocking it in her arms.
The Intelligence Behind The System
To better understand how our experience of life can change for the better without us having to do the changing, imagine waking up from a nightmare. One moment you’re totally engrossed in managing to drive a car with the brakes not working, the other your eyes are open and the experience is gone. You may still have a little bit of adrenaline coursing through your veins, but there are no lasting after-effects. No healing is necessary. You just get up and get on with your day.
In the same way no healing is required after an unpleasant or insecure thought – you just wake up to the fact of your thinking and before long a new thought comes along and you have a new experience. Waking up from negative, destructive or fearful thinking this way is like waking up from a daymare.
While the new thought isn’t necessarily better than the old one, when we just allow thoughts to pass through us, the intelligence behind the system seems to move in the direction of deeper thoughts and greater mental health.
This pre-existing intelligence shows up in neaerly every area of life. Take the human body for example. It’s designed to heal itself. If I graze my leg, I don’t need to get overly involved in the process of clotting the blood, creating the scab, or growing the new skin. That’s the intelligence behind the physical system at work. While we think of fevers and diarrhea and vomiting as bad things, they’re the body’s way of eliminating toxins in a hurry. It’s all built into the design.
The same thing is true of the mind. It’s designed to clear itself out all the time and to return to quiet and clarity. It’s like a self-cleaning cat litter tray – the cat poops, the tray senses the extra weight, and the arm comes up and clears the poop away.
The moment we understand this, we’re off the hook. Because the system is designed to take care of our mental hygiene, we don’t have to. It’s sometimes hard to trust the self regulating nature of the system to clean out our old crappy thinking and replace it with new thought, but the intelligence behind the system is always at play. And it works the same for everyone.
We feel our thinking, and it shapes our perceptions and creates our experience of life. This is true regardless of where we’re from or how worthy we think we are. New and fresh thought coming into our mind is just a natural part of how the system works. When we trust the process and allow it to do its job, our life becomes simpler and our experience becomes richer.
The Kindness Of The Design
The main question to ask ourselves is whether we believe the Universe is friendly or not. A lovely illustration of the idea that the Universe has our best interests at heart, is the short story I read in Michael Neill’s The Inside Out Revolution. It is about someone who was training for his pilot’s license.
During his first solo flight, he lost control of his Piper Cub ‘trainer plane’ high above the ground. The more he tried to bring the plane back under his control, the more wildly it span. His conversation with the tower went something like this:
Pilot: Mayday! Mayday! I’ve lost control of the plane – please advise!
Tower: Take your hands and feet off the controls. I repeat, take your hands and feet off the controls!
Pilot: Negative, tower – repeat, I have lost control of the plane! I’m trying everything I can to bring it back under control, but I just can’t do it! This is a matter of life and death – please, just tell me what to do!
Tower: This is a matter of life and death – take your hands and feet off the controls! Do it now!
What the young pilot didn’t know (and the air traffic controller clearly did) was that trainer planes have a self correcting mechanism built into them. When the pilot lets go of the controls, the plane levels itself out. Once the plane is back on an even keel, the pilot can take over again and steer the plane back to safety.
So how does this apply to us?
The principle of Mind seems to work through us in the direction of health and well-being. It’s a sort of spiritual immune system that will bring a return to peace the moment we step out of the way.
Would we even think of trying to heal our own cut finger? No, of course not. Same for our wounded psyche, we needn’t try so hard.
The reason so few of us get to experience that power working in our life is that we’re so busy trying to fix everything for ourselves. And ironically, like the pilot overworking the controls of a plane designed to correct itself, our constant affirmations and interventions often get in the way of our mind’s return to clarity and health.
We try so hard to remember to live by the wisdom and insights of others that we forget the source of that wisdom is inside us as well. Insights are the natural side-effects of living with a relatively quiet mind and a relatively beautiful feeling. Forget the words, stay with the feeling, and the insights will continue to unfold.
Feeling worried and anxious is the most natural thing in the world. If we leave it alone and know our experience is entirely created by thought, the mind starts to correct it self, naturally. If we don’t, our thought created worry may evolve into anxiety or a panick attack.
When we fully receive and witness the anxious feeling with purely our own Presence, we can allow it to be held by our own loving and all embracing awareness and gain our bearings and quiet mind naturally.
In my own daughter’s words: ‘Mum, knowing that my worry feelings are coming from my own thinking makes feeling scared less scary!’
Because of my daughter simply understanding that her feeling scared is not caused by something outside of herself (even though it may seem very real to her that the tiny spider in her room is freaking her out!), she is able to relax a little more.
And as she relaxes, anxious thinking then has the chance to settle and the mind naturally returns to a calmer state. Now there is space for new, fresh and more healthy thinking to come in, with a different feeling as a result.
Not long after I got engaged in the transformative conversation about the three principles I witnessed a huge shift taking place within my own life to start with. As a natural result of this something within my daughter shifted also, without me having to apply all the before mentioned teachniques and exercises. They were just a bonus, the cream to the cake.
She has a totally different relationship to her less and less frequently ocurring anxious moments.
As a natural result of this the relationship between me and my daughter also transformed into one that feels more free and relaxed.
A deeper understanding and awareness of the power and nature of thought changes everything.
The World Needs You!
I feel very blessed that my path crossed with spiritual teacher and transformative coach & consultant Joshua Benavides. He is the founder and director of Transformative Coach Institute. I signed up for my Profound Wellbeing Coach Training at the Transformative Coaching Institute with Joshua Benavides only 4 months ago.
I felt a calling from deep within to grow and ground deeper into my understanding of the 3 fundamental and universal principles: an understanding that is transforming my life from the inside out, an understanding that has freed me from depression, an understanding that is helping me to experience a deeper level of freedom, clarity and peace of mind and an understanding that is enabling me to help and coach other people.
And guess what! After only 3 months in, I’ve started coaching other people as part of my training and I am LOVING every minute of it. Next week I have my first paying client. A lovely mother who is seeking help for her son suffering from negative and painful thinking as she describes it.
Can you imagine? This mother gaining this same profound understanding of the transient and illusory nature of thought will have a huge impact on how she will respond to her son being negative. It is a no-brainer. And YES, it is that simple! Simple yet profound and life changing.
I am thrilled and so excited to see my calling is turning into reality. And I know this is possible for you too, if you feel called!
Do you also want to learn ‘how to’ free yourself and help other people become free from anxiety and/or depression and become a Transformative Coach?
This is possible. Within only 6 months! And all online so you don’t even have to leave the comfort of your house!
If you’re just starting out, this training will give you everything you need to become a transformative coach and launch your coaching practice in just 6 months.
If you’re already a coach, this training can exponentially increase your coaching skills, awareness and transformative impact.
The Transformative Coach Certification training has 6 key modules. When you link them all together, they work in perfect synergy to develop you into a powerful coach who can help transform lives from the inside out.
If you’ve always felt a special calling to deeply serve others, and you’ve always dreamed about doing the kind of work that makes a REAL difference in people’s lives… join us and turn your calling into a reality.
Waking Up To The Inside-Out Understanding Is The Way Out
Waking up to the inside-out understanding is the way out of suffering from anxiety and depression. I have seen it in my own life. I have seen it in my daughter’s life and I have seen in it in so many other people’s lives.
However, we have to back up a little further and realise that everything that is being done today in the mental health field is a reflection of the prevailing model or paradigm. This model consists of a set of mostly unspoken assumptions and beliefs about psychological and emotional health & illness.
There are certain things that we have collectively come to believe about mental health, and all of our treatments and interventions are based upon – and limited by – these so-called truths.
For example, it is widely assumed in the psychiatric field that:
Mental and illness is largely a biological problem caused by an excess or deficiency of certain chemicals.
Some people are born mentally healthy and others are genetically predisposed to develop a mental illness
There are certain psychological conditions that are permanent, and the best a person can hope for is to learn how to cope with and manage their symptoms
In the wider field of psychology and psychotherapy, it is generally assumed that:
There are external ‘stress factors’ in people’s lives that make them feel bad
Childhood trauma and past events are the main cause of psychological suffering
Healing takes a long time and a lot of ‘processing’ of a person’s issues
People need to practice techniques and relive their past in order to feel better
The most widely-recommended treatments such as pharmaceutical drugs and cognitive behavioural therapy make perfect sense based on the above assumptions about ‘what is wrong’ with people who are suffering psychologically and emotionally.
But what if those assumptions are fundamentally untrue? If we were to think differently about mental health, we would automatically treat people differently, and it is quite conceivable that we would experience very different outcomes as a result.
What Sydney Banks introduced to the world in the mid 1970’s was a radical new perspective on mental health that is only now beginning to be more widely recognized.
Just take a moment to reflect on what Syd Banks realised through his own direct experience:
Every single person has innate mental health that can never be lost (although it can be temporarily obscured)
Only a person’s own thoughts in the moment can create their feelings
The past can only affect a person to the degree that it continues to feature in their own thinking
We are only ever one thought away from happiness, or sadness, or any other experience
People can recover their mental and emotional well-being quickly and easily via insightful understanding of the simple principles behind their psychological functioning
Imagine for a moment what a mental health service may look like if it was based on these kinds of assumptions. What might be possible if we were to start out from here? I can tell you from my own experience that we would have every reason to be hopeful and optimistic.
And we would see results on a daily basis that would be considered miraculous or ‘unbelievable’ from the ‘old paradigm’ viewpoint.
When we begin with a presumption that there is something wrong with a person, that they are somehow ‘broken’ or lacking something essential, we are embarking on an endless path of ‘trying to fix and make things better’ for them.
When we can see that people are inherently mentally healthy right behind their psychological and emotional suffering, we start out from a different place.
We can offer them real hope and have total faith in their capacity to come home to their own innate wisdom and wellbeing.
And experience Peace of Mind.
If you have any questions or would like to share something or if you need a hand in any way, please do leave a comment below.
Love & Blessings,
Founder of Soul Space and Young Yogis® Academy| Creator of Yogadance® Kids Method | (Kids) Yoga Instructor | Biodanza/Vitaldanza Facilitator | Waldorf Primary School Teacher | Teacher Trainer | Well-being Educator | Transformative Coach (in training) | Cat and Ice cream lover | Dutch | Traveling House sitter| Wife and Mother
“I want to hide something from the humans until they are ready for it.
It is the realization that they create their own reality.”
The Eagle said, “Give it to me, I will take it to the moon”
The Creator said, “No. One day they will go there and find it.”
The Salmon said, “I will hide it on the bottom of the ocean.”
“No, they will go there too.”
The Buffalo said, “I will bury it on the great plains.”
The Creator said, “They will cut the skin of the earth and find it even there.”
Then Grandmother Mole….
who has no physical eyes but sees with spiritual eyes, said,
“Put it inside them, for that is the last place they will look,
….when they are ready.”
The Creator said, “It is done.”
The things we, truth seekers, do to find our true selves, or our true nature if you will.
We travel the world, we go through a zillion experiences, we meditate, we go out and seek for help to heal and fix ourselves, we try yet another method or technique to get to the bottom of a certain issue in order to eradicate it with root and all. We think our friends have the answer, or that experienced psycho therapist. We read self-help and self-development books. We vigorously practice yoga, we tap, we release trapped emotions, we dance naked round the fire, we sing mantras, we do tantra, you name it! The list is endless.
We all are on our own hero’s journey searching for the Wholy Grail. Our true nature.
Which is all great and part of the human experience. Some of us gradually get to discover and uncover glimpses of who we truly are, others have major breakthroughs, ‘see the light’ in unexpected ways and their lives are never the same.
I was that person, a so called truth seeker, searching high and low and I am very familiar with the feeling of being convinced of having found the key to lasting health and happiness in the latest method or technique I tried. But of course it didn’t last, so I went on to find the next and newest thing on the spiritual market to try out.
Until I got tired, tired of searching. I was tired of digging into the past and it’s hidden trauma’s, patterns and belief systems. I was tired of thinking positively, it took too much of my energy and it did not resolve certain feelings or episodes of mild depression happening from time to time.
I decided to drop it all and just follow my bliss. I uncovered the Manifestor in myself and felt empowered to create a business from scratch which resulted in facilitating 14 kids yoga trainings in 8 different countries within the space of 3 years.
On top of that I was teaching an average of 12 classes kids yoga classes a week, in schools, nurseries and my own community. I thoroughly enjoyed it all, it was great to see what the children and teachers got out of this and it gave me a great feeling to inspire other people to teach.
This experience gave me a great sense of what I was capable of doing and creating in this world. I felt I was doing something good in the world. I was living my passion. This was who I was.
When In doubt…
But I also grew tired of that. I wasn’t sure whether I still wanted to give it my ‘all’. Things stopped flowing. Classes didn’t fill with ease any longer and it seemed hard to get any participants in my trainings. It felt like I ran out of my magical manifestation powder. I felt I was losing or had already lost my passion for teaching.
This left me baffled and confused, for a while. Who was I without this? Had I not found my biggest passion in life finally, living who I was and sharing my gift with whom ever was willing to open it? Just to lose it again?
For a while, I didn’t want to do anything, I just wanted to relax and be. For a while I hardly saw any friends, I went on solitary walks in the forest every single day, I cooked and ate truck loads of warming and nourishing soup, I read a little here and there but not much really, I slept and rested a lot and I also was just dealing with the day to day stuff that comes with raising a child and living a family life. It was enough for me.
However, despite this little respite, my ‘smaller self’ wasn’t ready to fully own up to this desire ‘to do nothing’ and what did that mean anyway? And I certainly wasn’t ready to let go of my ‘career’ being a kids yoga teacher yet. I identified with what I did too much still. So I kept teaching classes and facilitating trainings the best I could.
But because it didn’t quite happen ‘in the flow’ any longer I had to work even harder, to keep it all going. I had to use a lot of my will power. At times, it felt I was flogging a dead horse. Everything in me was telling to stop, pause and re calibrate but my stubborn ego kept ‘hanging in’. Teaching Kids Yoga was who I was. And apart from that, it also gave me a good income.
In other words, I identified myself with what I was doing in life and what it was giving myself and others. I chose to ignore the soft whisper of Wisdom inside telling me to relax, to let go and set it free. This didn’t necessarily mean to quit teaching altogether, it was just trying to tell me to rest in what I had created, let it be and see what wanted to emerge from there by itself, without my empowered pro-active action interfering. In other words, it was telling me to take a step back and just watch…
The Space Within
During that time of rest and breathing space, taking my mind of the whole business, letting things be and allowing life to unfold by itself without me interfering, amazing things happened. Whereas I normally felt I had to actively ‘put it all out there’, work pretty hard, now new opportunities started to appear just by themselves. From out of nowhere.
For example, where I normally was pro-actively chasing schools or nurseries and offer my classes and programmes, without the desired results often, I now ‘out of nowhere’ had a School contacting me and hiring me to teach yoga to all year groups for an entire term.
‘Out of nowhere’ I was asked by a Life Coach whether I wanted to do one-to-one yoga sessions with his clients.
‘Out of nowhere’ I was called by an organization organizing retreats for companies to do yoga with their corporate groups. Suddenly I was teaching adults, not kids! Completely out of my comfort zone by the way.
As all these things seemed to appear ‘Out of Nowhere’ I started to get curious about where ‘Nowhere’ was!
Simultaneously, by chance, via an online parenting forum, I had bumped into the deeply transformative conversation about the Three Principles:
Universal Mind, Consciousness and Thought, the building blocks and spiritual gifts that enable us to see, feel and understand our True Nature and the true nature of the human experience.
Since being engaged in those transformative conversations with other parents, deep shifts within myself occurred just by itself, without me doing anything really other than Seeing and Understanding the truth of what I was hearing.
In a nutshell, I saw and understood that 100% of what we experience is created by our own thinking. Understanding this meant a 180 turn from thinking that what happened outside of me caused me to feel a certain way; circumstances, the weather, people, my family, etc. to seeing that it was the other way around.
Instead of the outside-in explanation of life, which is an off-the scale huge misunderstanding, I started to see and feel the power of the inside-out understanding of life.
‘You see, where we’re searching for is our home grounds – we’re searching to find the way home. And to find the way home, what you have to do is look at everything in reverse. Because naturally, if you’re away from home, if you keep walking, you walk further away. To find home you’ve got to turn round, and instead of searching outside for the answer you seek, all you do is look inside …and there lie the secrets that you want.’– Sydney Banks
Alongside with this Insight, this ‘Seeing from Within’, I started to feel more aware and present. Thoughts, feelings, deep-seated beliefs showing themselves in repetitive thought patterns, my body chemistry, etc, all would appear to this feeling of ‘just being Aware’.
I started to get a sense of me NOT being my thoughts, feelings, beliefs or what I do, my money in the bank etc. but that what was present underneath all the noise of that chatter going on in my head. Something constant and never changing, something with great holding power, something eternally loving. Something from where my Wisdom and deeper feelings of love, peace and joy are arising.
Present Moment Awareness is our Home
When I started to learn about Universal Mind as an invisible and formless force or field and about Consciousness bringing everything in this world to life, including my thinking, I started to not only see but more so feel that it is Awareness that is our Home. The space within each one of us, which is the same space as the ever expanding Universal Mind ‘out there’.
This Space has got many names: some people called it The Source, others call it God or the Great Spirit. Or Divine Intelligence, The Infinite Power etc. It does not really matter what it is called, it all refers to the intelligent energy that powers everything alive on this planet. From our nails and hair growing to an acorn growing into an Oak tree.
It is the Space from where all things arise and to where everything disappears again. Including our thoughts! It is the vast space of the timeless Here and Now. The present moment. That is who we truly are, each and one of us. We are all one in this space.
Over time this Space, this Awareness or Consciousness gradually became more tangible for me. I felt a ‘settling’ going on inside me. A surrendering and settling into this Inner Space, as if settling and sinking into a big, comfy chair, deeper and deeper, meaning I felt more aware of this Inner Space on a deeper level in my experience.
I felt more and more aware of being aware, if that makes sense!
I would love to share with you the following short simplified story written by Michael Neill in his book ‘The Space Within’ because it illustrates so beautifully the universal journey we all go through as human beings:
The Story of ‘Me’
In the beginning there was a field of infinite possibility and pure potential called the Universal Mind:
Then, somewhere in the midst of the Universal Mind, the thought of you appeared:
That thought of you became conscious of itself and called itself ‘Me’.
For many years, Me lived and played happily in the midst of the garden of everything. But over time, it began to separate and individuate. It went to school and grew up to be an independent, free-thinking, empowered human being, making its way in the world, navigating by the rule book it had accumulated along the way and using discipline and willpower as its primary engine.
Me grew very strong and enjoyed flexing its muscles and developing its ‘personal power’. It forgot all about the Universal Mind that had once been its constant companion.
Eventually Me began to struggle, as all of us do. It was lonely, and felt insecure, and did everything in its power to make sure that no one ever saw through its facade. It wasn’t having a bad life, at least not some of the time, but something was missing.
Then one day, Me heard something called ‘the infinite’. It sounded very important and very grand, and the descriptions of the great peace that could be felt when one touched the infinite sounded like the most beautiful thing Me had ever heard.
But Me was too smart to fall for that one again. After all, the writers of the rule book inside Me’s head had already told it all about a supernatural being who lived in the sky. Since many of the things Me had been told after being born had turned out to be untrue, Me turned its back on its image of the infinite and carried in its own, struggling more and more but proud of its autonomy and ability to think for itself.
Until one day… Me met infinite. It looked nothing like the image Me had made up in its head, yet it seemed strangely familiar.
Much to Me’s surprise, the more time it spent with the infinite, the better life got. In fact, hanging out in the infinite felt like going home to a place Me didn’t even remember. Soon, Me and the infinite were spending nearly all of their time together.
Eventually Me began to think of itself less and less as ‘Me’ and more and more being a drop in the infinite ocean. Then one day, Me disappeared. Some said that Me had died, others that Me had become enlightened. But the infinite potential of the Universal Mind remained, and continues on to this day …
Living In The Flow
Being in this Inner Space of our true nature is feeling like being held all the time. No matter what we are thinking or doing, it is being held. We are being held by something endlessly strong and loving and something so much larger than ourselves.I never have felt more secure and safe.
I’ve come to the deep realization that feelings don’t need to be healed, they need to be held, they are held and allowed already within this space. When fully brought into the light of our Presence they let go of us. We don’t let go of them, they let go of us as a natural result of seeing and feeling them fully and whole-heartedly. We don’t have to resolve our feelings and make them go away.
There is no such thing as a solution to a feeling. Feelings are real. The thought that caused the feeling is NOT real. A thought is just a thought. We can choose whether to ‘purchase’, buy into this feeling, or not.
We can also choose to allow the thought to pass through the mind without ‘purchasing’. We don’t have to change or manipulate the thought. We notice, become aware and know that the thought is just a thought.
I’m aware when my thoughts, the thoughts of my ‘smaller self’ of my ego if you will, are obscuring this feeling of being home. Nothing else but my thinking is making me feel separate from home, my true self.
I can tell because my mind is cluttered versus being clear, worries start to bubble up and problems are made up simply by me using the power of thought in an unhelpful way.
Ever since this experience of resting and being in this Inner Space, I have noticed a shift in my feeling of resistance towards life. At times, I struggle with strong feelings of resistance, even towards things I supposedly love doing. I can’t explain it.
The underlying feeling is: I want to do nothing, let me be. It is so healing to just observe, welcome and allow such a thought or feeling we become aware of. All that comes into the Light of our Awareness will dissolve all by itself.
‘If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.’ – Syd Banks
A shift was that my ‘doing’ or going about life or whatever you call it, was coming from this newly found and experienced Inner Space. I noticed that whatever I was doing it did not feel like a doing at all, it felt like just the natural flowing of life energy…like the flowing of a river.
As words are very limited here, I can only describe it being a very quiet and soft allowing from deep inside, an allowing of the natural unfolding of life from moment to moment. It made me realize that I don’t have to figure out my life and that I don’t have to force anything.
Wisdom is available from moment to moment and will guide us along, always. When our mind clears, wisdom appears.
So somehow the experience of this Inner Space of Love is melting away so much of my resistance to living life and taking and embracing life as it comes, from moment to moment. Being in the Here and Now, in this Space is so incredibly intimate, vibrant, powerful and liberating.
When hanging out in this space, it is like we can taste, smell and feel the texture of the IS-ness of everything. As if we are touching life itself, or life is touching us. There is an aliveness to each moment. A vibrant aliveness, no matter what we experience.
It reminds me of when I was a young child and feeling very connected to this pure and vibrant life inside me. It is that what is present in this moment, ….minus our thoughts. It makes sense doesn’t it? Young children don’t have piles of thinking going on. And look at our animals, …they don’t think at all. Pure awareness is what they are. This is why children and animals are such great teachers to us. They are living their true selves.
Discover a Spiritual Understanding that can
Transform Suffering Into Peace, Joy & Liberation
Not long after I got engaged in the transformative conversation about the three principles, my path crossed with spiritual teacher and transformative coach & consultant Joshua Benavides. He is the founder and director of Transformative Coach Institute.
I signed up for my Profound Wellbeing Coach Training at the Transformative Coaching Institute with Joshua Benavides because I felt a calling to grow and ground deeper into my understanding of the 3 universal principles that is transforming my life from the inside out, helping me to experience a deeper level of freedom, clarity and peace of mind.
I would love to invite you to get a taste of what I am pointing at in this article through experiencing Joshua’s FREE sample of his coach certification training. Nothing to lose, so much to gain…
Get FREE access
to a sample of his coach certification training:
You’re Going To Learn
Three universal principles that, when understood, can raise your over-all level of consciousness and well-being
How the full spectrum of the human experience is being created from the inside-out
How you can tap into the deeper wisdom, love and intelligence behind life for deep transformation and healing (for yourself and others)
How one simple shift in your understanding of how life works will allow you to experience unprecedented levels of freedom, clarity and peace of mind
Presented by Joshua Benavides
Joshua is the founder and director of Transformative Coach Institute. He’s the best-selling author of “Break The Worry Habit”, a transformative coach, consultant and spiritual teacher known for his kindness, humor and deep understanding of the ‘Inside-Out’ nature of the human experience.
His experience-based program teaches you how to develop a thriving transformative coaching practice focused on helping clients realize their potential and raise their consciousness and life.
The 6-month curriculum combines everything you would expect from a premium coach training program, plus time-honored spiritual development practices and cutting edge insights from quantum psychology, the ‘Three Principles’, A Course In Miracles, Mindfulness and more.
Finding Our True Nature Is The Key To Pretty Much Everything.
Understanding the three principles has changed and is changing my life from the inside out. Effortlessly. Without me having to figure out ‘what to do’ in my head. It has given me the ability to live my life from a Present Moment Awareness that allows my own inner wisdom to cut through the jungle of my personal thinking and guide me along my way in any given moment.
In this space we are already perfect, whole, and complete. It is a space of pure Consciousness – the space inside from where all thoughts arise and to where all thought disappear.
When we rest in the feeling of this space, the warmth of it heals our mind and body. When we operate from the infinite creative potential of this space, we produce high levels of performance and creative flow.
When we sit in the openness of this space with others, we experience a level of connection and intimacy which is breathtakingly enjoyable and filled with love.
When we explore this space more deeply, we’ll find ourselves growing closer and closer to the divine, even when you’re not sure there is such a thing and wouldn’t know how to talk about it if there were.
‘Every problem we have in life is the result of losing our bearings and getting caught up in the content of our own thinking; the solution to every one of those problems is to find our way back home.’– Michael Neill in ‘The Space Within’
One problem. One solution. Infinite possibilities…
If you have any questions or would like to share something or if you need a hand in any way, please do leave a comment below.
Love & Blessings,
Founder of Young Yogis® Academy| Creator of Yogadance® Kids Method | (Kids) Yoga Instructor | Biodanza/Vitaldanza Facilitator | Waldorf Primary School Teacher | Teacher Trainer | Well-being Educator | Transformative Coach (in training) | Cat and Ice cream lover | Dutch | Traveling House sitter| Wife and Mother